"Size 12 Is Not Fat" - Meg Cabot

BLURB:

"HEATHER WELLS ROCKS!
Or, at least, she did. That was before she left the pop-idol life behind after she gained a dress size or two—and lost a boyfriend, a recording contract, and her life savings (when Mom took the money and ran off to Argentina). Now that the glamour and glory days of endless mall appearances are in the past, Heather's perfectly happy with her new size 12 shape (the average for the American woman!) and her new job as an assistant dorm director at one of New York's top colleges. That is, until the dead body of a female student from Heather's residence hall is discovered at the bottom of an elevator shaft. The cops and the college president are ready to chalk the death off as an accident, the result of reckless youthful mischief. But Heather knows teenage girls . . . and girls do not elevator surf. Yet no one wants to listen—not the police, her colleagues, or the P.I. who owns the brownstone where she lives—even when more students start turning up dead in equally ordinary and subtly sinister ways. So Heather makes the decision to take on yet another new career: as spunky girl detective! But her new job comes with few benefits, no cheering crowds, and lots of liabilities, some of them potentially fatal. And nothing ticks off a killer more than a portly ex-pop star who's sticking her nose where it doesn't belong . . . "

REVIEW:

After being a dedicated Meg Cabot fan through my teens, and then being less-than-impressed by her short story in Prom Nights from Hell, I decided this adult chick-lit offering was her last chance to win me back. Her last chance to impress.

Well, I didn't completely hate it - but I definitely didn't love it. In fact, 'Size 12 Is Not Fat' ended up being annoying more than anything else.

The protagonist, Heather, really started to grate after a few chapters. Despite the book's implication that she is, in fact, smarter than she thinks, I didn't buy it. I mean, she's ditzy. She's completely obsessed about her size. She makes an enormous deal about minor occurences ("she looks like a showerer, not a bather". Who gives a damn, honestly?). She's just...ugh. Rather than warming to the stereotypical chick-lit-heroine-with-whom-women-can-identify, I found her incredibly frustrating and just wanted to slap her by the end of the book.

What is it with the size obsession, anyway? I realise the title of the book is a slight giveaway as to what the contents will feature, but I found it unbelievably annoying to be reading about sizing throughout the book. Why does Heather constantly obsess about being size twelve? If she's obsessing about body image, why isn't she obsessing about the fact that she perceives herself to be fat? Why is it all about the numbers? And the constant bleating about "size twelve is the size of the average American woman" definitely started wearing thin (HA! PUN!) after it was repeated the first fifty or so times. OK, Ms Cabot, we get it. You're trying to write a book that deals with body image concerns. But don't you think you overdid it just a bit? And don't you think the end message - girls who aren't stick thin can still prevail - was more than a little trite?

The only thing keeping me reading was the crime/mystery plot, which, once it got going, chugged along quite nicely underneath the thick veneer of shallow chick-lit slathered copiously over the top. Once a mystery makes itself known to me, I feel compelled to find out who did it. It did provide some interesting scenes for our size twelve amateur investigator to get caught up in, and while the end result (and the motive for the crime) proved to be completely ludicrous, I didn't feel entirely cheated. I mean, after all, it is chick lit.

Needless to say, the book did not make me laugh once. Not that I was expecting as much. I don't think I'll be reading Cabot again.

RATING: The crime/mystery plot was good. Everything else was not. 3 STARS

"The Cat Who Had 60 Whiskers" - Lilian Jackson Braun

BLURB:

"Times are changing in Pickax: a new senior centre is in the works and a production of CATS is set to delight Moose County residents; Polly Duncan is off to Paris, leaving Qwill without a companion for his apple barn concerts; and The Librarians Who Lunch are showing their Art Hats to help unite Pickax with their Lockmaster County neighbours.
Not to mention the conversion of the late Nathan Ledfield's mansion into a charitable museum! With Mr Ledfield's treasures being sold off to benefit needy children, the town is abuzz with excitement - that is, until a mysterious death from a bee sting leaves everyone but Cool Koko in a state of confusion.
Is it because Koko has sixty whiskers as Qwill suspects, or because Koko knows that the mysterious death was no accident?"

REVIEW:

I picked this up at random from the library, and I must admit, I just couldn't get into this one. Perhaps it's time I read and reviewed a book I didn't enjoy - there's a lot of 4 star and 5 star ratings here. While I enjoyed the descriptions of the two cats in the book, the rest of the novel (it's more of a novella than a novel, though) seemed rather dull. Constant descriptions of a cast of characters I was completely unfamiliar with, and descriptions of the places they lived, was a bit tedious for a first-time reader of this series. To me, the writing style wasn't quite engaging enough to properly complement the "quirky and cute" elements in the story. In fact, by chapter six, it was still downright boring, so I gave it a quick flick though, searching for the mystery it promised - but nothing grabbed me. Nothing intrigued me. I almost stuck with it for the sake of reading about the antics of Koko and Yum Yum (they're two Siamese cats), but unfortunately...nope.

RATING: The cats were cute, but the story was still boring one-third of the way through the book, and it just didn't appeal. 2 STARS

"The Eyre Affair" - Jasper Fforde

BLURB:

"Meet Thursday Next, literary detective without equal, fear or boyfriend.

There is another 1985, where London's criminal gangs have moved into the lucrative literary market, and Thursday Next is on the trail of the new crime wave's Mr Big.

Acheron Hades has been kidnapping characters from works of fiction and holding them to ransom. Jane Eyre is gone. Missing.

Thursday sets out to find a way into the book to repair the damage. But solving crimes against literature isn't easy when you also have to find time to halt the Crimean War, persuade the man you love to marry you, and figure out who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

Perhaps today just isn't going to be Thursday's day. Join her on a truly breathtaking adventure, and find out for yourself. Fiction will never be the same again..."

REVIEW:

I got tonsillitis while reading this book. I don't think this was actually caused by the book though, so don't worry, you'll probably be able to read it without becoming ill. However sitting up in bed for an entire day with a crazy fever allowed me to get through quite a sizeable chunk of this book in a short amount of time, which turned out to be a good thing.

This is one of the most bizarre books I have ever read, and trying to describe it without sounding completely delirious is quite a challenge. I mean, how would the ordinary person respond to a book description like this:

"Well, it's like a futuristic story...but set in 1985, in Britain...and people have pet dodos and stuff. And there's this big hierarchial law enforcement system that's divided into groups, according to what they deal with, like terrorism and stuff...and the main character in this book is a LiteraTec, meaning she works with any kind of literary crime, like people messing with important literary works etc. Oh, and her name is Thursday Next. They all have weird names in this book. There's another character called Jack Schitt. Anyway, some people can travel in time too, and the big villain of the story is trying to alter the original manuscripts of some important works, so that by altering the originals, all the copies of that work in the rest of the world get affected too...and Thursday Next has to try and stop him...and...yeah. It's kind of strange."

I swear, the author must be either a creative genius or a raving lunatic to have come up with most of the ideas in The Eyre Affair. It's just so 'out-there' and original, and with a deep undercurrent of absurdist whimsical humour throughout (the descriptions of the pet dodos made me smile, in particular). I can see how it's one of those books that would really divide people's opinions - you either love it or hate it. I belong to the former category.

However, there were a couple of things that I didn't like quite so much. First, the title implies that the book is based on (or at least makes a lot of references to) Jane Eyre, which is why I read this straight after reading Jane Eyre. However, references to Bronte's most famous work make up just a small (albeit significant) part of the story, and it doesn't even get to the 'Jane Eyre has been kidnapped' part until the last few chapters, so it doesn't fully live up to the implications its title. Also, there seemed to be a lot of different characters, and for a while I had a bit of trouble remembering who was who and what they did, etc. The weird names didn't help in this matter, occasionally detracting from the flow of the story (eg, you'd meet another weird name, and then you'd be thinking "Huh. 'Filbert Snood'? What kind of a name is FILBERT SNOOD?" for a while, rather than concentrating on the story.)

Or maybe that's because I was feverish.

At least this book provided something interesting to do!

RATING: On the whole, it was a very enjoyable, quirky read - and certainly very unique. However, despite its charm, I don't think I'd feel like reading it again, so I'm giving it a comfortable 3 STARS

"Jane Eyre" - Charlotte Bronte

BLURB:

"Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre to this day entrances readers with its passionate portrayal of a woman struggling to make a life for herself in a cruel and indifferent world. As orphan Jane becomes governess at Thornfield Hall, she falls in love with her employer, Mr Rochester, only to discover that he has a terrible secret, one which may jeopardize their future happiness. Jane Eyre's struggle for independence has echoed with readers ever since."

REVIEW:

As you may have gathered from the previous reviews on this blog, my literary tastes are not very sophisticated. My favourite authors range all the way from Matthew Reilly to - God forbid! - Stephenie Meyer. I'm not really into classics, and to be honest, I can't see why some of them are considered 'classics' in the first place. For example, The Great Gatsby. It was an OK story. I have no idea why it's a 'classic' though. I didn't like it much - but then, I suppose dislike goes with almost every text that you are forced to study for English.

Jane Eyre is the one exception. I can see exactly why it's a classic, and I genuinely love the story.

And yet it's difficult to pinpoint why I like it so much. I think what appeals to me most is the sense of mystery - what's going on in the attic? What's up with that Grace Poole anyway? What's Mr. Rochester trying to hide? The revelations that follow serve to increase the drama and suspense, without seeming completely outlandish and ridiculous, and without turning the story into a run-of-the-mill soap opera.

Admittedly, there were quite a lot of characters that I just wanted to punch in the face - mainly the hypocritical ones - and reading of Jane's childhood and adolescence was depressing and frustrating. However this just causes me to admire Jane's character even more, since she managed to get through such horrendous ordeals growing up, and did not turn out to be a serial killer.

I think that's the best thing about Jane Eyre - Jane's amazing determination, strong moral grounding and endless patience that I could never hope to achieve. She never gives up, never abandons her principles, and hardly ever blows her top at anyone. Thankfully, in the end, she is finally rewarded.

I also like the fact that I was able to buy this for just ten bucks at Dymocks.

RATING: A richly woven narrative with mystery, drama, and genuine classic appeal. 5 STARS

"Prom Nights From Hell" - Cabot, Meyer, Jaffe, Myracle, Harrison

BLURB:

"In this collection, bestselling authors including Stephenie Meyer and Meg Cabot take bad Prom nights to a whole new level - a paranormally bad level...

Wardrobe catastrophes and two left feet are nothing compared with discovering you're dancing with the Grim Reaper - and he isn't here to tell you how hot you look...

From vampire exterminations to angels fighting demons, these five stories will be more fun than any DJ in a bad dinner jacket. No corsage or limo rental necessary - just great, sexy, scary fun!"

(NB: it contains five short stories, each written by one of the listed authors. In case you didn't realise this.)

REVIEW:

This was the book that reached up, tapped me gently on the shoulder, and said "Emma? You have well and truly outgrown teenage fiction. Move on."

Of course, I didn't really expect anything more than fairly stock-standard American teen chick-lit, with the usual formula of Unrealistic Depictions of Teenage Romance, a first-person narration by the Girl Who Doesn't Quite Fit In, and the Rather Disproportionate Importance of The Prom, with a dash of Attempted Dry Humour (my friend Jen refers to this as "soppy, cotton-candy crap"). In the case of the five short stories contained in this book, there was an added Paranormal Element thrown into the mix. However I was still hoping that maybe, just maybe, there might be at least a tiny bit of light entertainment value in there somewhere.

And there was. But it was indeed small, and depended heavily on the author. What follows is a story-by-story breakdown of the aforementioned book.

Meg Cabot's story - The first time I read Cabot, like almost any other teenage girl, I thought her books were refreshing, light-and-fluffy, and very amusing, if not hilarious at times. However, after reading quite a few, I started to feel like I was reading the same story, over and over again, with different characters (always whinging about boys) and a slightly different background scenario. Her short story in this volume, about a girl trying to kill a vampire, was just another delivery of formulaic, cookie-cutter Cabot. It was very disappointing, and also seemed to borrow a little too heavily from Meyer's Twilight series. I found it incredibly lacking in originality, to be honest, even for teen fluff.

Lauren Myracle's story - wasn't actually as horrendous as I thought it might have been. There were still one or two cringe-worthy elements, but considering the intended audience is indeed pre-teen and younger-teenage girls (as opposed to 19-year-old science degree students), I guess I won't judge those flaws too harshly.

I liked this story much better than Cabot's, and even though it was rather predictable, the writing was decent, with the ending even reminding me slightly of Stephen King.

Kim Harrison's story - This one actually started off quite well. To me, it seemed to be a tad more believable and even, perhaps, slightly more mature than the other stories, and towards the middle of the story, it became really intriguing. However, the second half of the story was a bit of a letdown. It suddenly turned into a straight-out supernatural fantasy tale, bogged down with details and raising more questions than it answered. It was also just pretty confusing, and the ending proved to be very anticlimatic. Kind of disappointing.

Michele Jaffe's story - Not bad, not bad. It's certainly not the best thing Jaffe has ever written, but I still found it fairly enjoyable, and some of the ideas were quite original. This particular story provided the sole 'laugh out loud' moment (for me) from the entire book, which I think deserves a round of applause. However I did think a lot of the protagonist's characterisation seemed very similar to Jaffe's Bad Kitty series, so I just hope she doesn't go down the same path as Meg Cabot - recycling the same characters under different names - in the future.

Stephenie Meyer's story - Oh dear.

OH DEAR.

This was by far the worst story of the lot. Unbelievably shallow, full of completely ridiculous fantasy, and containing the longest and dreariest passage of dialogue interspersed with descriptions that I have ever read. It wasn't so silly that it was fun - it was just plain stupid. I mean, consider the plot: there's a demon at the prom who likes causing misery and whose primary goal is to ruin the night, but don't worry, everything is saved by an ANGEL and the PROM ENDS HAPPILY FOR ALL.

*hits head on desk*

I'm not even going to apologise for putting a bit of a spoiler up there, because the story was so bad, it doesn't deserve to be read. Seriously. Avoid. It's crap.

RATING: I guess it's fair to say that younger readers might enjoy it more than I did, but on the whole, this book was pretty so-so. 2.5 STARS

(PS: Interestingly, I ended up reading Prom Nights from Hell when I had random moments to fill in while at home. However, on the train to and from uni, and in some of my break times there, I was immersed in Jane Eyre. Talk about from one extreme to the other.)

Label on a jar of strawberry jam

BLURB:

"100% spreadable fruit. An old French recipe of delicious strawberries sweetened only with grape juice concentrate. Net wt. 284g. Refrigerate after opening."

REVIEW: I'm not sure if anyone else has really explored a particular food I have occasionally for breakfast, if we happen to have whipped cream in the fridge that needs to be used up. I call it 'Devonshire Toast' since, like Devonshire teas, it involves jam and cream, but instead of warm scones, this fantastic combination is spread liberally on a slice of toast. As you can imagine it's not the healthiest of breakfasts to be had, and most mornings I swap the jam and cream for butter and Vegemite.

However, for the purposes of Devonshire Toast, I use this jam (or I guess Americans would call it 'jelly' or something, even though it's not jelly, it's jam, because jelly is the gelatinous stuff that wobbles around and is eaten with ice cream as a dessert, not the sweet spreadable fruit conserve pictured above. This is why I was completely mystified once as to why anyone in their right mind would have 'peanut butter and jelly' on a sandwich. But never mind all that.)

The label is pretty boring, and there's definitely not much of a plot: just a description of the contents, a list of ingredients (Strawberries 55%, grape juice concentrate, lemon juice, fruit pectin), nutritional information (nil fat, plenty of sugar), and company contact information. However, the actual jam in the glass jar is pretty impressive stuff - not too lumpy, but not runny either. Tastes good too. Just right.

RATING: There was very little character development throughout - but it was very sweet. 4 stars.

Just a note...

...to say I'm amazed to discover a couple of people have actually read my blog! To be quite honest I never really expected many people (if anyone at all!) to read any of my reviews, which is one of the reasons I ended up abandoning it for several months without any real explanation. (The other two reasons are called 'the HSC' and 'starting university', both of which effectively stopped me from reading anything other than textbooks and study notes for a while.)

Not that I'm kidding myself, or anything - I mean I don't really believe many people are, you know, checking back here each week in eager anticipation to see if I've posted something new.

However I did notice that the 'hit counter' was not just in the tens, or even in the hundreds - but over a thousand views! Now that was surprising. So I might just start blogging here again (though perhaps not as frequently - semester 2 starts next week after all), just in case anyone is actually, uh, watching.

If you are reading this, I'd love it if you could leave a comment below, just saying how you actually came across my blog...I'm very curious :)

And a big thank you to the people who have left comments on a couple of the reviews, as well. <3